Gray or Blue
by For Esme
Summary: As the Ducks go off to college, Connie finds herself running away from everything she once knew and falling prey to a life she never wanted. A Connie/Charlie songfic. FINISHED.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Short little songfic as I try to get inspired to work on my other story. It'll be 2 or 3 chapters.**

**DISCLAIMER: Disney owns The Mighty Ducks, the song is Gray or Blue and is written by the ever talented Jaymay. **

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_I feel so helpless now, my guitar is not around and I'm struggling with the xylophone to make these feelings sound, and I'm remembering you singing and bringing you to life it's raining out the window and today it looks like night. You haven't written to me in a week, I'm wondering why that is. Are you too nervous to be lovers, friendships ruined with just one kiss? I watched you very closely and I saw you look away, your eyes are either gray or blue I'm never close enough to say…_

Connie Moreau sat on the windowsill in her small off campus studio apartment, staring out onto the street and watching as the rain began to fall heavier. It was early afternoon, but the overcast gloom made it seem later. The cold wind seeped in through the poorly insulated windows and she pulled the blanket tighter around her small frame. Her mind was racing with thoughts of the previous summer and how much and how little had changed in her first semester away at college.

She'd broken away out of grief, her brother Rob was killed in a car accident two days before graduation. She'd also broken away out of anger, she was unable to cope with Guy finally moving on and the fact that their on again off again relationship was finally off for good. Her heart was broken and she was consumed with a pain and suffering she'd never felt before. The others tried to help, but it was no use, they were all too close. She was suffocating in Minnesota and it hurt too much to even look at any of them, so she packed her bags and accepted a scholarship from Temple University.

The Ducks had all stayed together, attending the same University on athletic scholarships, but she'd chosen her own path and went half way across the country to Philadelphia. She'd regretted it within weeks, no matter how upset she was, the Ducks were home to her.

She was instantly caught up Greek life on campus, pledging to a sorority and enjoying the nightlife it afforded her. It provided an escape from how miserable she actually was. She spent her nights drinking and enjoying the occasional recreational drug. Her days were filled with coffee and cigarettes, the only thing that could keep her awake. She was rail thin and the pink hue that once colored her cheeks was gone and replaced with an unhealthy pallor. After one particularly hard week of partying topped with no sleep, she'd found herself in the hospital, having passed out from dehydration and exhaustion. Her parents begged her to come home, afraid to lose another child, but she couldn't bring herself to do it.

She'd found comfort in e-mails to Charlie, someone who was no stranger to jumping into things out of anger and someone who'd been at her side since childhood. Their e-mails soon turned into daily phone calls, his concern peaking when the phone calls turned into nightly drunk dials. He'd come to Philly to check on her during fall recess, he showed up at her door unannounced and held her as she cried about how unhappy she was. They spent the weekend running around Philadelphia like little kids, she hadn't felt that free in months and she was horrified by the empty pit that formed in her stomach when he left.

She'd told him that she was in love with him during a Friday night drunken phone call and by Sunday they were back to e-mails, until finally, the messages stopped all together. That's when she stopped feeling, all emotions that tried to work their way into her life she drank into submission. She was a hallow shell of the spirited, carefree girl she once was.

She heard from Julie that he started dating someone, so she did the same. His name was John and he completely facilitated her current lifestyle. That's where she found herself now. Sitting on the windowsill, nursing a hangover, with John asleep in her bed. The semester was over and she had no intentions of returning home, she was too embarrassed.

…_But your sweatshirt says is all with your hood over your face. I can't keep staring at your mouth, without wondering how it tastes. I'm with another boy; he's asleep I'm wide awake and he's tried to win my heart but it's taken time…_

Noticing the blinking light on her answering machine, Connie hit play, curious as to who would be calling her.

"Connie, it's Fulton, call me as soon as you get this," she played the message again to make sure it was really him before erasing it and listening to the next one.

"Hi Honey, It's Mom, where are you? It's 2 a.m. on Friday, well, I guess it's Saturday, never mind. Honey, call us as soon as you get this, or call one of the Ducks, we need to talk to you," Connie stared at the machine, getting a bit anxious now.

"Babe, turn that thing of," John grumbled from the bed.

"There's just one more," she told him.

"Well, then turn it the fuck down," he grunted, but she did nothing of the sort as the last message started to play.

"Cons," she gasped, her heart skipping a beat as she realized it was Charlie, "Cons pick up. Pick up, pick up, you have to be there," he sounded a bit frantic. "Connie, you need to call me, there was an accident. I need you here… we all need you here, just, call me…please."

Sitting there in stunned silence she quickly got up to search for the phone, but John was up in an instant, blocking her way.

"Who was that?" he asked eerily calm, standing directly in front of her.

"A friend," she answered, "can you please move? I need to find the phone!" she exclaimed becoming a bit frantic herself.

"A friend?" he questioned. "Sounded like he knew you a little better than just a friend."

"John, go back to bed, you're being stupid," she tried to move him out of her way, causing him to grab her roughly by the shoulders and push her up against the exposed brick wall. He held her, pinned, as the phone began to ring again. "I need to get that," she squirmed.

"No, no, let the machine get it," he kept her in place as the machine picked up and she heard Charlie's voice again.

"Connie, pick up your phone. It's noon on a Saturday, I know your there. Please, just pick up, I'm sorry for not calling in a while, just, please pick up the phone…" he was cut off when John turned off the answering machine.

"Do you want to try telling me who that is again?"

"He's a friend, John!" she practically screamed.

"Don't lie to me Connie! Don't you fucking lie to me!" he backhanded her hard across the face, splitting the skin under her eye.

"Get out," she said weakly, in utter shock. "Get out!!" she added with more force, "Get out before I call the police!" she used all her strength to push him off of her.

Stumbling back, he pulled on his pants and grabbed his shirt, turning to look at her one last time. "You're a fucking slut," he sneered before slamming the door behind him.

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**Reviews are nice **:)


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews! Once again…I DISCLAIM!**

…_don't second guess your feelings, you were right from the start and I notice she's your lover but she's nowhere near your heart. This city is for strangers like the sky is for the stars and I think it's very dangerous if we do not take what's ours…_

Returning back to her perch on the windowsill, she stared blankly out the window, unsure of what just happened. Emotions boiled up from deep within her and for the first time in months she could feel. Even more, for the first time in months she could see clearly and what she saw was horrifying. Staring at her reflection in the window pane, she stood, grabbed her alarm clock and sent it flying through the glass as she screamed out every bit of self loathing that was in her. She screamed until her throat was raw and her tears stopped falling.

Looking around her apartment, she felt suffocated. She couldn't be there anymore, not in her apartment, not in Philadelphia, so she packed. She packed everything she could into garbage bags, lugged them out into the rain and stuffed them into the back of her Jeep. She was halfway through Ohio before she remembered the messages and pulled off the road to use a pay phone.

"Mom," she said hoarsely.

"Connie, honey? Where are you?"

"Ohio," she replied simply. "I'm coming home."

"Oh, sweetheart," her mother replied, breathing a sigh of relief.

"Mom, what happened? Fulton and Charlie both called, what's going on?"

"There was an accident, Connie," she said quietly. "Julie and Dean were hit by a drunk driver, they've been in and out of surgery since last night."

"Oh, God," Connie suddenly felt the need to throw up, "How bad is it? They're going to be okay right?"

"It's not good," she told her honestly, "If they make it through the night they should be in the clear, but they're pretty mangled, they had to remove Julie's leg."

"I have to go," she said suddenly, needing to get in the car right away so she could get to Minnesota that much quicker. "Mom, I love you," she added before hanging up.

Connie drove through the night, only stopping to refuel and grab coffee. It was 10 in the morning by the time she pulled into the hospital parking lot, the bags under her eyes blending into the prominent bruise on her cheek. Running in through the sliding doors, she rushed through the lobby and up to the I.C.U, stopping at the nurses station, out of breath.

"I'm looking for Julie Gaffney," she told the nurse who was immersed in paperwork. "Or Dean Portman, or both of them," she tried not leap over the desk to get the information herself. "Excuse me," she said again, as the nurse refused to acknowledge her presence, "excuse me! Please! I need to find my friends!" she began to scream, her lack of sleep and the high levels of caffeine in her system getting the best of her.

"Ma'am I'm going to need you to lower your voice," the nurse finally looked up, laying her hand over the panic button under the desk, just in case things got out of hand.

"Lower my voice! My friends are hurt, I need to see my friends, you don't understand! I need them to be okay!" she implored feeling unstable and looking more and more like she should be a patient rather than a visitor.

"Connie," she felt a hand place on her shoulder, "Cons, calm down," she turned to see Fulton, instantly grabbing onto his arm for support.

"How are they?"

"They're alive," he observed how fragile she looked and wrapped an arm around her, scared she'd fall over. "Pull yourself together and I'll take you to see Dean," he pet her hair calmly. "They had to put Julie into a medically induced a coma, she's alive, she's just really messed up."

"I should have been here sooner," Connie said quietly, leaning into Fulton and relishing in how familiar he felt. "What if they had died? I couldn't deal with that, Fult. They can't die."

"You're here now," he reassured her. "And they're not going anywhere, they're both too stubborn too die. Come on, let's go harass Portman," he smiled down at her and directed her down the hall, uncomfortable with how unstable she seemed.

"Look what the cat dragged in," Dean croaked as the pair entered his room. "Jesus, Con, you look worse than me," he remarked, taking in her emaciated form and bruised face.

"Ah, I'm glad to see you're still as charming as ever," Connie chuckled, sitting in the chair next to his bed and holding on to his hand. "I'm so glad you're not dead," she sighed in relief, causing Fulton to laugh.

"It's going to take more than a collapsed lung to take me down," he smirked. "Check it out," he lifted his arm a little to show her the tube sticking out of his chest.

"I think I just threw up a little in my mouth," she cringed.

"How's Julie?" Portman turned to Fulton.

"They've still got her knocked out, I ran into her mom on the way up, she said they're gonna keep her out for a few more days," Fulton replied.

"I'm gonna kill that fuck if I ever see him," Portman seethed, referring the drunk driver, who walked away from the accident with only a few scratches.

"You'll have to get to him before I do," Fulton fumed.

"Will they let me see her?" Connie asked.

"Yeah, but I don't know if you want to, it's not pretty," Fulton rubbed her shoulders.

"I just have to see her, I need to know she's really here."

Sighing heavily, Fulton looked to Portman before telling Connie, "she's two down on the left," to which she stood and walked out of the room.

"What the hell happened to her?" Portman asked his Bash brother once Connie left the room.

"I don't know, man," Fulton sat, shaking his head. "I'm not sure that was really even her."

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Standing in the doorway of Julie's room, Connie sighed deeply, letting the tears flow freely down her face. "Oh Julie," she whispered, finally bringing herself to move to her friends bedside. "You don't deserve any of this," she brushed the hair on her forehead to the side. "Please don't leave me Cat, I won't leave you again, I promise. I'm moving home, I'm gonna straighten out. I'm gonna need my best friend though, Jules," she told the lifeless figure, crawling into the small space beside her, careful not to disturb any of the wires or tubes that were connected to her.

She laid there and told Julie everything, she poured out her heart, afraid she wouldn't get another chance to tell her best friend the things she should have been telling her for the past 5 months. Having said her peace, Connie fell asleep for the first time in over 24 hours.

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"Good morning, this is your captain speaking," Charlie entered Portman's room doing his best 'pilot from the cockpit' impression.

"Spazway," Portman smiled. "Where's your blonde?" he asked, referring to Charlie's clingy girlfriend who was usually no more than 2 feet away from him at all times.

"We're splitsville, man. I was busy breaking her heart while the jaws of life were prying your ass out of a car," he tried to make light of the situation.

"Good," Fulton chimed in.

"What, you didn't like her?" Charlie asked.

"No one liked her, bro," Portman broke the news to him, figuring the fact he was lying in a hospital bed would make Charlie a little more less likely to attack.

"Thanks for letting me waste 3 months with her," he rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"Hey, don't be like that," Portman smirked, "we figured she was just a good lay."

"Well, yeah," Charlie smirked caddishly. "How's Jules?"

"They're keeping her out for a few days," Fulton explained. "Connie's in with her right now."

"What? Connie's here?" he felt his heart start pounding in his chest.

"Yeah man, you weren't joking, she looks like hell. I walked right past her, I thought she was like some cracked out, beat up ho," Fulton told him honestly as Portman tried not to laugh.

"Fuck," Charlie sighed, his concern growing. "I'm gonna go check on her."

"Have fun," they said in unison.

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"Connie," Charlie called softly from the doorway, moving in and standing next to the bed when he got no response. "Connie, wake up," he shook her lightly, cringing as he felt every bone in her body.

"Just a little longer, please," Connie mumbled, unable to open her eyes.

"Con's, come on, you can't sleep in here," he gently brushed the hair from her cheek, his eyes going wide as he saw the dried blood she'd yet to wash away from her injury. "Connie girl, come on, wake up," he shook her again, finally deciding to gently lift her out of the bed when he got no response.

Feeling movement, Connie struggled to open her eyes. "Charlie?" she whispered, looking at him briefly before turning away.

"Hey sleepy head," he smiled, setting her down gently before gathering her up in his arms once more as her legs refused to hold her weight. "Whoa there," he held onto her. "Are you alright?" he asked, knowing it was a stupid question. Of course she wasn't alright, she could barely open her eyes.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she tried to reassure him, still too embarrassed to look at him. "I'm just a little tired." She felt her eyes closing again, the months of abusing her body finally coming to a head.

"Whoa, is she alright?" Fulton asked, coming in to check on them.

"I can't get her to stay awake," Charlie told him. "God, I shouldn't have left Philly without her."

"Why don't you bring her downstairs to your mom," Fulton suggested, referring to Casey Conway who had finally finished night school and was working as a nurse in the Emergency Room.

"Yeah," he hoisted the fragile girl up into his arms, his heart breaking at the sight of her. "Come on Cons, you're safe now, we're gonna fix you up," he whispered to her as he rushed her down to the E.R.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I decided that there'll eventually be more songfics to expand on this once I finish my other story and introduce another character. Thank you to anyone who actually reads my stuff and double thanks to everyone who reviews.**

…_and I'm winning you with words because I have no other way. I want to look into your face without your eyes turning away……_

Connie slowly awoke to the whirring sound of oxygen and the beeping of monitors. Opening her eyes she panicked when she realized she was the one hooked up to all of the machines. "Where am I?"

"You're in the hospital, Connie," she heard an all too familiar voice.

"Casey?" she asked, squinting her eyes a bit to get them to focus.

"Hi Sweetheart," Casey Conway sat on the edge of her bed, taking a break from checking all of her vitals. "Good to see you back," she smiled.

"I don't understand," Connie stared at her blankly, "what's going on?"

"You're exhausted, kiddo. Your body had enough and just shut itself down," she held on to the girls hand. "I just sent your parents home to sleep, do you want me to call them back?"

"No," she shook her head, "I can't…I don't…I'm just not ready to see them," she sighed as Casey leaned over to kiss her forehead.

"You're home now kid, things are going to be okay," she reassured her, as Charlie walked in to pick up his mom from her shift.

"Mom, you ready?" he asked before noticing that Connie was awake. "Connie," he said brightly, moving quickly to sit on the other side of her bed. "God, you scared me," he grabbed her hand, careful of the I.V. taped to the top of it.

"I just have a few things to finish up," Casey excused herself, smiling at the pair from the doorway.

"I'm sorry," Connie whispered, averting her gaze.

"Hey, don't be sorry," he reassured her calmly, "it was nothing, you barely weigh anything, carrying you was a breeze," he teased her.

"Don't be a jerk," she smirked though still refused to look at him. "I'm sorry I pushed you away and dragged you into this."

"Connie," he sighed. "Connie, will you look at me?" he gently turned her face. "I'm the one who should be sorry, I really messed up."

"No, Charlie…"

"Will you stop and just listen to me for a second," he cut her off. "I shouldn't have left you there," he ran his fingers over her cheek. "Every time I looked at you, my heart broke. I just wanted to hold you, to kiss you and make it better, but I was scared I'd chase you away and I didn't want to lose you..."

Connie took a deep breath as he spoke, thankful for the oxygen being forced through the tube in her nose. She'd waited so long to for this.

"…it killed me to leave you there," he continued, breaking their gaze and looking down at her hand. "Then you called, and you were all squeaky so I knew you were drunk and you told me what I'd been wanting to hear for so long, but you were just so messed up, Cons."

"I know," she said sadly.

"No, it shouldn't have mattered," he looked back up at her. "Connie, I love you so much, you don't understand."

"I do though," she squeezed his hand gently. "When Julie told me…about her, I just, I couldn't handle it. I really thought someone just ripped my heart out. I started dating this guy and I tried so hard to pretend he was you, but you'd never do this to me," she felt her swollen face.

"Can you forgive me?" he asked.

"Only if you can forgive me," she tried to smile. "I'm really messed up, Charlie. I need to get myself better and I don't know if I can be around you knowing someone else is yours," she told him honestly.

"I'm not with her anymore," he told her, "she wasn't you." Laying down next to her, he put his arm around her protectively. "We're gonna get you help, I'm not leaving you this time," he kissed the side of her head.

…_charming, crazy eyes have you, are they gray or blue? I won't make the move, you must make the move. If you make the move, I will then approve, if you do not move, we will surely lose…_

Turning her head, it took everything in her power to not kiss him, seeing the close proximity of his face. He'd always been there, yet just out of reach and now he was within grasp, but she was to weak to jump. "When did your eyes get so blue?" she smirked.

"When you came back to life," he whispered, leaning down to kiss her gently.

"God, you're cheesy," she chuckled when he pulled back and leaned his forehead against hers.

"I love you," he told her.

"I love you too," she settled down onto his shoulder.

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FIN


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